People have told me all my life…”but it is so easy for you”. Easy, what makes it easy for me and hard for someone else? I was not born into wealth, I worked diligently for all the success I have achieved in life. Yet, when I hear someone say that I also understand why.
Facing fear, dealing with problems head on is difficult. Society has taught people that it is better not to feel…here take this pill and you wont feel anxious. Drinking, smoking, drugs, overeating…over doing anything is how most have learned to cope. Instead of breaking down something that feels insurmountable into little chunks that can be managed, moved though, and then on to the next, we avoid.
We avoid digging deep within and often become addicted to those things that make us feel better for the moment, so we do not have to face with what we know we should.
Easy? no it has not been “easy” but it has been worth it…facing each fear and figuring out how to overcome instead of avoid.
Horders are extreme examples of avoidance. Typically it starts with a situation they could not cope with, so they simply did not put away, or clean the space on a regular basis. Many have attachment issues and can’t let things go, and do not do the inner work to overcome the problem. So slowly things pile up around them, eventually the piles become so huge that the thought of cleaning and sorting it out is overwhelming. It is like the dear in the headlights, they become frozen.
This example can translate to everything in life that we avoid, until the job to sort it out becomes so huge that we simply give up.
So how do you make it “easy”?
First you make a decision to face the issue, head on. Then you break it down into smaller pieces that you can handle and you do something everyday. Each day that you do the things you need to do, you acknowledge it and pat yourself on the back for doing one more thing and getting through one more day. If there is a day when you don’t do what you needed to, you forgive yourself that day, understand that you did the best you could and start again fresh the next day.
What usually happens is that a person has a bad day and the negative self talk starts, “this was stupid, what made me think I could do this, this will never happen…” on it goes. This is why you must forgive yourself for having a bad day. Forgiving the self and encouraging the self are keys to success in life. It does not matter what you want to accomplish. Lose weight, start a company, clean up a mess…
The first step is the hardest and you must realize there are many “first steps”, because each time you forgive yourself a bad day the next day is a “first step day”. As you do this you strengthen self, your confidence builds, you are a little less “frightened” to do the “work” both inner and outer. Slowly you collect tools that help you though the next problem. Each time you face contrast head on you gather tools.
And that is why and how I make it look easy…I have collected the tools, built my confidence, self-worth,etc. These are tools I own, not ones that a borrowed. When you borrow other peoples tools through dependency, the problems might appear to go away on the outside, but if the inner work is not done there will come a day when you “see”…and like the hoarder you might just choose to keep ignoring it but it never goes away.
Easy, eventually it will become easier and one day someone will look at you and say, “but it is so easy for you! you don’t understand!” and you will smile…knowingly.