Happiness and love, if we had that life would be bliss…Right? It sounds like such a simple thing, so why isn’t it, “simple”? We have been taught by the society we live in and the rules of our upbringing that it is anything but easy. Here is the real question, “do you even know what happiness and love are?”

Yeah, that is a deep question. Most of we humans attach love and happiness to other people and the deeds we do or expectation of what others “should”do; activities that make us laugh, for a moment, but it is much deeper than that. When I tell you what is at the core of happiness it might frustrate you, but once you experience it you will understand.

I partake in philosophical conversation with  friends on a regular basis, read introspective books and listen to recordings. I started on this Journey when I was 17, but it was not until the last 8 years that I found the most straightforward information. The first was in a couple of books, The first being The Four Agreements, The second was The Five Levels of Attachment but the most eye opening was a statement during a conversation, “all problems stem from a lack of self worth”.

As I worked with myself and others, it became apparent that most people did not know what self love really meant and for the most part had no clue what would make them happy. It takes courage to start an introspective journey, to ask oneself the hard questions and sort out the life that “is” and create a life that brings you more joy.

In a conversation yesterday we were discussing the relationship of a clients daughter and her boy friend and that she seemed to be placing all of her worth on the feed back she was receiving from him. I chimed in and said, “absolutely true! her friends will tell her that if he boyfriend really cared he would do this or that. That he would send texts all the time, etc. etc. etc.” My client said that I was exactly right. I know because I have not only been through this with so many clients, I experienced this myself and had to remove the shackles of societal expectations. But it is not only removing those shackles, we need to define what we want…that is not so easy.

When we feel frustrated, sad, depressed  and angry, those feelings are there to help us understand that what we are dealing with in our life is not the way we want it. We must be willing to ask ourselves where is this coming from. Often we will lay blame on other people, but we can’t change other people, so what now? We must realize that all of the answers lie within and that all of our experiences are pulled into our reality to help us discover and love ourselves.

If we stay in unsatisfying situations and don’t find ways to change our vibration, we do not grow. We keep more of that same stuff coming to us, over and over. In order to find your happy place you need to know what makes you happy and what makes you not happy. So how do you do this?

Start with the situation that is causing you the most frustration or grief. And ask yourself, “what would make me feel different about this situation?” If your answer is something along the lines of. “if so and so would do a particular thing differently I would feel better” then you are giving all of your power away and it is not fixable as long as you make it about someone else. So you have to ask what things you can do to change how you feel about the situation. If it is automatically, “well the only thing I can do is leave” you need to understand you always take yourself with you, so if you leave you will most likely recreate this same scenario over and over again. Unless of course your safety is in question the first thing one must do is find a safe place to start from.

Lets try again…what could you do to make it better?

Slowly we discover that we are living lives according to the needs and wants of others, and when we keep asking “what do I want” eventually we will begin to listen. I suggest that people take long walks if they are unable to meditate…keep asking the question over and over. The answers will come, and as the answers come you need to allow yourself to accept the path that begins to open.

You may find yourself in this place many times in your life, for you are ever evolving. The best example I can give is my own. I was deeply in love with someone who was as deeply in love with me, when I said I love you he said, “I love you more”. But as in many relationships, there was outside interference and pressure became too great. I pushed away and left…then when we came back together, he pushed away. I finally got quiet enough to ask and hear the answer. I asked, “what should I do, what will make me happy” The answer came and it was kind of strange, the answer was “go and tend your garden and everything with come to you”. So I moved back to my place in another state and began working in my garden and sure enough my life began to unfold. My business took off, money came easily, writing became more inspired, I started to travel more and with ease and I began having very pleasant interaction with people that were interested in me, no push, no pull. Life flowed, I let my love for the other be the beautiful thing it was and simply began to enjoy life as I wanted it. I had always thought about other people first, as a business woman, mother, wife, family member and volunteer, my life was focused on everyone else.

Society teaches us that the first this to do is blame. When we focus on everyone else instead of being introspective it is easy to blame others for the result. When we take total responsibility for creating our own happiness it is a freedom like nothing else. At first it is difficult, because we a unlearning a societal norm and that is why you must have courage…you will be judged…but eventually you will get to a point where what other people think doesn’t matter. When that shift happens you will realize, probably for the first time what self love is…it just gets better and better from there.


I work with people to find their way to self love. Energy healers ask me to work with their clients, they say I have a gift that helps break people open so they see quicker who they are and it speeds up the healing process. I tell them it is not me, it is information flowing through me directly from source. Source knows, I am just a conduit. I would love to help you on your journey.

Leave a Reply